Thursday, April 21, 2016

Losing Friends to Relationships

photo // tumblr somewhere

I don't think I am alone in this when I say I dread the day my friends get into relationships. 

There is a feeling of loss when your good friends get into a serious relationship. 

The time you get to spend with them is diminished.  Sometimes you may only see them once every few weeks and even that is after you have been nagging them all week for a drink or a coffee.  

You get the feeling they don't need to lean on you for companionship anymore, that they've found that in another person.  A new person.  A person who you will never think of as good enough because all of your friends deserve princes and nothing less.
But just because they no longer need you, doesn't mean you don't need them, doesn't mean you are ready to let go.

There are the exceptions to the rule, couples that somehow manage to have a functioning relationship and not have this affect the other relationships around them. 

You still see your friend all the time and they don’t act different or boring whenever their bae is nearby.

But that is very rare and it is understandable how this isn’t achievable for most people.  It's hard.  I'm guilty of it myself. When I was awash in the tumultuous sea of love during the sad excuses for relationships I have been in, I disappeared off the face of the earth for the whole whirlwind 2-week entirety of it all. 

So yeah, when my friends do this I can’t really get super mad at them for it, I mean I usually do, but I shouldn’t.

I’m just sad that I am losing a huge part of them. The relationship we once had, living in each others pocket and being on the same period (and poo) cycle is no longer possible. 

There just isn't room in a normal person’s life for them to be in a relationship and have their bestie stay over every other night too.

Also what I find particularly funny is how when you and your friends are single you're forever trying so hard to set one another up with the perfect guy and then when they finally find them you get pissed off. 

This raises the questions: Why fix what ain't broke? Were we really that unhappy in the company of just our friends? Why do we always feel like we need to "fix" everything by finding a boyfriend?

It doesn’t help when your friends are usually the ones getting into relationships and so most of the time you are the one getting left behind (lol so sad). 

But since this is something that is almost definitely going to happen to all of us at some point I thought I should look into ways of making it a little better. So I did some thinking and here is what I came up with…

Flip your view - it is okay to recognize that there is some sadness in losing a friendship, and although you are losing the friendship you once had, you are not losing it altogether. So don’t be too dramatic. If they are good people I am sure they are still here for you if you really need them. The relationship is just changing form, taking a new direction.
Just like people do, or rivers, or the gooey stuff inside lava lamps. 
Think about the goo as if it were friendships in your life.
The goo is constantly changing and it gets smaller and bigger and little bits break off and joins onto some other goo. Then sometimes the bits come back to where it was and joins up again. Although it's changing its isn't necessarily getting any better or worse, just different. 

Like the goo inside the lava lamp our relationships can change but they might not necessarily be getting worse or better, maybe just less intense. You may have some friends break off and drift away because they want to go try something else for a while. They may be back soon, or they might stay away awhile. But the great thing about that is it opens you up to some exciting new friendships, or maybe some old friendships that you may have been neglecting for a while. We are constantly changing and the relationships in our life change too. There doesn’t always need to be a dramatic ending to a friendship, and in a weird way drifting apart can be a really awesome thing for reasons you may not realise initially. 

When you think about it from that perspective it doesn’t seem all that bad.

It actually seems quite exciting and like a great opportunity to expand your horizons. 

On the other side of it, if you're a friend getting into a new relationship, take into consideration that although your life has become this blissful sex-fest your friend may be experiencing unwanted change and loss. So if they're a little grumpy, maybe they have a pretty good reason why and it's is only because they love the crap out of you.

Now we can all be more understanding and positive.

Better living everybody.

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